No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.

I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.

When you're in young love your pulse pounds, your palms sweat, and there are butterflies in your stomach. It's like diarrhea for your heart.

By the way, nothing I ever say, ever, has any truth behind it.

I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.

Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think "how can you make a joke about this?"

I worked in Toronto for two days. And by work I mean sit in a trailer for 15 hours, say two lines, and leave.