Does Uncle Bob have anything?" "I heard he has an STD." "I mean on the women." "Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.

She still wasn't convinced. "So, if you were a guy, would you be into me?" "Hon, if I were a guy, I'd be gay." "Yeah, me, too.

We stood there, the three of us, our jaws firmly planted on the floor. Aunt Lil recovered first. She nudged me with her elbow and said with a cackle of delight, "I think you guys should make some more of those brownies, 'cause that boy looks hungry.

She didn't smile back. Not even a little. I totally needed to read that book on how to win friends and influence people. But that would involve an innate desire to win friends and influence people.

Since killing people is illegal, can I have a Taser just for shits and giggles? -Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

Give it up? Not likely. Besides, what else would I do? I totally should have gone to Hogwart's when I had the chance.

I know how you feel. I’ve been analyzed to death as well. Not, like, professionally, though I did date a psych major who said I had attention issues. Or at least that’s what I think he said. I wasn’t really paying attention. Anyway, where was I?