It would be a miracle to solve this case. Luckily, I believed in miracles. No, wait, that was testicles. I believed in testicles.

Where have you been?" I stepped into my apartment and met Uncle Bob's glare with one of my own. "Out trying to pass myself off as a movie producer to get hot guys to sleep with me. Where have you been?

If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.

I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.

Man, that woman was quick when she wanted to be. But put her behind the wheel of a Buick.

guys have feelings too. But like...who cares? -Inspirational poster

I may not have any skeletons in my closet, but I do have a little box of souls in my sock drawer. —T-SHIRT