You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. "Snow blower, bottle of whiskey." You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? "Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy."
Dave AttellSo, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
Dave AttellHave you seen that magazine Barely Legal? That means when you look at it, you're almost a pedophile.
Dave AttellI don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!
Dave Attell