Jesse Joyce is a great writer.

I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.

If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.

I don't think I'm a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.

A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that's about it.

I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.

I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.