I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.

Being on the road is kind of lonely.

I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.

Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.

My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.

Men are having sex with animals and we wonder why the animals attack us. And I'll tell you why: it's cuz of that one sick man, and it's up to me and a half-mexican to stop him.

So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.