I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.

Have you seen that magazine Barely Legal? That means when you look at it, you're almost a pedophile.

I'm not like a performer type.

You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.

You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.

I'm very romantic when I masturbate. Sometimes I light a candle...then I try and shoot it out. It's like a carnival.

A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that's about it.