I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.

I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.

Why do they collect garbarge at 5am? Why? It's garbage. It's not going to go bad again.

Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.

Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.

If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy a Porsche.

I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.