I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
Dave AttellIf you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy a Porsche.
Dave AttellIf you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.
Dave AttellSometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.
Dave Attell