It's a horrible economy but I'm trying to do my part. I just bought a new shower curtain it has all the presidents on it. Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with all the presidents staring at you? And when the water hits them it looks like they're crying.

Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.

So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

Next time your lady leaves the room, take a dump on the floor! 'Cuz there is nothing more mysterious than a dump on the floor! And it always starts a conversation, am I right? Honey, what happened? You better hold me 'cause I'm afraid.

It's a horrible economy but I'm trying to do my part. I just bought a new shower curtain it has all the presidents on it. Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with all the presidents staring at you? And when the water hits them it looks like they're crying.

Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!

I'm very romantic when I masturbate. Sometimes I light a candle...then I try and shoot it out. It's like a carnival.