You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.

Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.

Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!

I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!

For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.