Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

Even now, as we speak, people are having sex with animals. And we wonder why the animals attack us.

It's a horrible economy but I'm trying to do my part. I just bought a new shower curtain it has all the presidents on it. Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with all the presidents staring at you? And when the water hits them it looks like they're crying.

You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.

When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.

Have you seen that magazine Barely Legal? That means when you look at it, you're almost a pedophile.

Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.