Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can't get away.

I don't mind a crowd's not laughing; it's the groans that slow down the show.

If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy a Porsche.

If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call him, Pizza-Pussy-Santa. I would! Cause everybody likes one of those things.

You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.