Have you seen that magazine Barely Legal? That means when you look at it, you're almost a pedophile.

I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.

When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

Being on the road is kind of lonely.

Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can't get away.