I've never had a surprise birthday party. I've had every other type of surprise. I've had surprise beatings, surprise drug tests, surprise daughter I think.

Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.

You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. "Snow blower, bottle of whiskey." You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? "Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy."

So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.

I tell you one thing that's great about children. They don't need a show to have fun. What do they need? A book of matches, some oily rags, a little brother... that's all they need.

There's a late-night scene in every town, and everyone has something going on, ... I've heard good stories about (Syracuse); this is a very good party town, a good drinking place. I definitely would like to come back and check it out further. Do some more research, as I call it.