Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.

When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

I don't watch reality TV.

Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.

If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.