A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that's pretty much what you're supposed to do with jokes. You're not supposed to take it any further than that.

I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.

I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.

Never drink alone, that's what they say. But you know what? If you drink you will never be alone, alright?

I used to do drugs, but that was way back there.

You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. "Snow blower, bottle of whiskey." You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? "Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy."

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.