For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.

Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.

I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine; a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.

Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.

I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.