I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.
Have you seen that magazine Barely Legal? That means when you look at it, you're almost a pedophile.
I wanna get a little drunk, but I also want some pancakes.
Men are having sex with animals and we wonder why the animals attack us. And I'll tell you why: it's cuz of that one sick man, and it's up to me and a half-mexican to stop him.
Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.
You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance.....the day has begun.