I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.

I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.

So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.

This one guy, the worst guy in the music. The Yanni man. You know Yanni? First of all, anyone who looks like a magician and doesn't do magic, I don't like. I don't even like magic, I hate it. But I love the word, "Ta-da"! I love that word! I don't get to say it, right? I never do any magic. You just can't go around walking, "Ta-da!" "Ta-da!" "Ta-da!" The only time I can say it is when I do something really stupid or surprising. Like if I go out all night drinking and hitting strip clubs and I come home and I still got some money... "Ta-da!" I thought I was broke. Why does my jaw hurt?

I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine; a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.

I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.