I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.

I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.

Next time your lady leaves the room, take a dump on the floor! 'Cuz there is nothing more mysterious than a dump on the floor! And it always starts a conversation, am I right? Honey, what happened? You better hold me 'cause I'm afraid.

I'm not really a music guy.

I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!

If I was to have sex with one animal it would be a horse. That is a beautiful animal. And when you have sex with a horse, you know you always have a ride home.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.