If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.

If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy a Porsche.

Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.

Men are having sex with animals and we wonder why the animals attack us. And I'll tell you why: it's cuz of that one sick man, and it's up to me and a half-mexican to stop him.

I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!

I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.

Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.