I used to do drugs, but that was way back there.

Being on the road is kind of lonely.

Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, "Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before."

Next time your lady leaves the room, take a dump on the floor! 'Cuz there is nothing more mysterious than a dump on the floor! And it always starts a conversation, am I right? Honey, what happened? You better hold me 'cause I'm afraid.

So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine; a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.

Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.