I used to do drugs, but that was way back there.

I went skiing today, too, yeah. I didn't wanna go. The girl I'm stalking wanted to go, so... I'm not kiddin!

I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.

Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.

Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.

Have you seen that magazine Barely Legal? That means when you look at it, you're almost a pedophile.

Why do they collect garbarge at 5am? Why? It's garbage. It's not going to go bad again.