I'm not like a performer type.

I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.

Next time your lady leaves the room, take a dump on the floor! 'Cuz there is nothing more mysterious than a dump on the floor! And it always starts a conversation, am I right? Honey, what happened? You better hold me 'cause I'm afraid.

For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.

A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that's about it.

I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.

If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.