Friends are important, dontcha think? Hmmm? I think so. The way I see it, you got friends, and you got your best friend, big difference. To me, a friend's a guy who will help you move. A best friend's a guy who will help you move a body. That's how I look at it.

Being on the road is kind of lonely.

I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.

I never wanted to be famous.

My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I'll tell you ladies: it's amazing.

Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.

I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.