Never drink alone, that's what they say. But you know what? If you drink you will never be alone, alright?

I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.

So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

Why do they collect garbarge at 5am? Why? It's garbage. It's not going to go bad again.

I have a lot of pot tendencies. I'm always late, I laugh for no reason, I watch Jeopardy! with the sound off and make up my own questions.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.