I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.

My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I'll tell you ladies: it's amazing.

I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

I'm not like a performer type.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.