Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.

So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.

Friends are important, dontcha think? Hmmm? I think so. The way I see it, you got friends, and you got your best friend, big difference. To me, a friend's a guy who will help you move. A best friend's a guy who will help you move a body. That's how I look at it.

I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.

Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.

Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!

A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that's about it.