Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100; diapering your monkey, 35 calories; laughing at a midget, fun and 10 calories; catching your girlfriend with another guy, 2000-3000 calories, depending on backswings.

If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.

Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.

I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.

I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.

So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

I'm a stand-up comic. Anything else I do besides that is a plus, but stand-up comedy is what I do, it's what I've been doing and it's what I'm going to keep doing.