The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose," which is also sometimes called "grape sugar," and also because "Grape Nuts" is catchier, in terms of marketing, than "A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel," which is what it tastes like.

Speaking of food, English cuisine has received a lot of unfair criticism over the years, but the truth is that it can be a very pleasant surprise to the connoisseur of severely overcooked livestock organs served in lukewarm puddles of congealed grease. England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor - I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt.

No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.

Like all writers, my greatest inspiration, my ultimate muse, is a deadline.