The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

In foreign countries such as Italy, the government puts strict-looking speed limit signs everywhere, but nobody ever sees them because light does not travel fast enough to catch the Italian drivers.

If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?

We don't shoot somebody soon, I'm gonna forget how

If you answered, ''Spin the Bottle,'' then I frankly do not want to know any more about your childhood.

If Black Stache laughed, you laughed. If he snarled, you snarled. If he breathed in your direction, you ran for cover.

In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than remembering not to light the filter ends of cigarettes.