What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-sounding word that we tend to use when we would really like to come up with a terrific-ally witty insult, the kind Winston Churchill always came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at parties.

The older I get and the more fiction I write, the more I outline, the more I think about plot before I dive in and plunge too far.

The fact that Gene Weingarten and I and Bathroom Inventory are now part of some kind of Matrix of Poop strongly suggests that the Pulitzer is not what it once was.

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.

normal person's weekly chore list: 1. clean kitchen. 2. clean bathroom. 3. clean entire rest of domicile. cleaning impaired person's weekly chore list: 1. don't get peanut butter on sheets.

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.