What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.

There shall be a National Anthem containing incomprehensible words and a high note that normal humans cannot hit without risk of hernia.

There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.

In more than 20 years of opening beers with guys, I have NEVER seen the Swedish Bikini Team show up. Almost always, the teams that show up in beer drinking situations consist of guys who have been playing league softball and smell like bus seats.

Lobsters displays all three of the classic biological characteristics of an insect, namely: 1. It has way more legs than necessary. 2. There is no way you would ever pet it. 3. It does not respond to simple commands such as "Here, boy!"

I took an estimated two thousand years of high school French, and when I finally got to France, I discovered that I didn't know one single phrase that was actually useful in a real-life French situation.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.