We are talking about mutated women, the result of cruel genetic experiments performed by fashion designers so lacking in any sense of human decency that they think nothing of putting their initials on your eyeglass lenses. The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. If a normal woman puts on clothing designed for these unfortunate people, she is quite naturally going to look like Revenge of the Pork Person.

Mother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the "patty" group, which includes hamburgers, fish sticks, and McNuggets- foods that have had all of their organs safely removed.

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

You cannot paint the exterior of your house. You have to take the paint chip down to show the paint-chip Nazis.

[There is] a breed of fashion models

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.

The other major kind of computer is the "Apple," which I do not recommend, because it is a wuss-o-rama New-Age computer you basically just plug in and use.