If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.

I think I became funny because I grew up in the Bronx. I was small and weak and Jewish instead of large and fierce and Puerto Rican. You need something.

Why else do we have Miami, if not to give me material?

Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger brothers or the dog - to get myself checkmated in under three minutes. I challenge any computer to do it faster.

The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization.

England is a very popular foreign country to visit because the people there speak some English.

Roy Blount, who is the funniest person I know, journeys deep into the dark heart of humor and brings back a wonderfully insightful, superbly crafted song of the soul that had me laughing and crying too