If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.

I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.

There shall be a National Anthem containing incomprehensible words and a high note that normal humans cannot hit without risk of hernia.

AARP is a large and powerful organization, similar to the Mafia but more concerned about dietary fiber.

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

Cyrus Pembridge, the Never Land’s captain, was widely regarded as the most incompetent man to comman a ship since the formation of water. “Who in the name of common sense would put to sea on that ship with that man in charge?” wondered Mack. “Well,” Alf answered, “we are.” “True,” Mack said.

Reading... a vacation for the mind.