When I say 'serve you better,' I mean 'increase our profits.' We newspapers are very big on profits these days.

I was very pleased to get a Supreme Court justice suggesting a column, so I went and did a column about Beano. I went with my wife and another guy to a Mexican restaurant, which we thought would be the ultimate test for an antiflatulance product. There's a reason most of Mexico is located out of doors. And it worked. Several newspapers refused to run that column. But they did run advertisements for Beano.

There are terrific TV shows now. This is a golden age for TV humor, I think. There's an actual market there. Of course, I have no idea how you'd break in, but there must be a way. They have all these shows and they need jokes and somebody is writing them.

Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?

Miami, you can never run out of material. As long as you have Miami around you, you will never, never stop being amused.

Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.