The story you envision as you start out is always a great story; when the facts turn out to be different from, or more complex than, what you expected, your first reaction is always disappointment. That's when you must fight the urge to bend the story to your preconceived notions. First, it's dishonest. And second, in the end, the truth is always the best story.

They have a lot of trouble with pronunciation, because they can't move their jaw muscles, because of malnutrition caused by wisely refusing to eat English food, much of which was designed and manufactured in medieval times during the reign of King Walter the Mildly Disturbed.

If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, why, then, Peter would declare himself eleven. Also, he could spit the farthest. That made him the undisputed leader.

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - 'to spew out paper.'

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.