Never board a commercial aircraft if the pilot is wearing a tank top.

The central point of this final chapter is that - follow my logic carefully here - unless you die, you will continue to get older. (It's insights like this that separate the professional book author from the person with a real job.)

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

Babies are equipped at birth with a number of instinctive reflexes and behavior patterns that cause them to spend their first several years trying to kill themselves. If your home contains a sharp, toxic object, your baby will locate it; if your home contains no such object, your baby will try to obtain one via mail order.

Never try to put all the chemicals in the entire world in your body at the same time.

This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes to get a beer.

Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.