A full-grown manatee, which can weigh more than 1,000 pounds, looks like the result of a genetic experiment involving a walrus and the Goodyear Blimp.

Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

Leonard Aster thanked Fighting Prawn and the Mollusk tribe for their hospitality. “You mean,” said Fighting Prawn, “for not killing you?” “Yes,” said Leonard. “It was very gracious of you.” “Do you,” said Leonard, “I mean, does you tribe, shake hands?” “No,” said Fighting Prawn. “We kiss on the lips.” “Oh,” said Leonard, looking very alarmed.

Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - 'to spew out paper.'

I never start a section of the story without knowing how it will end. I also consciously try to shape the story as though it were a movie.