What's happened to marriage? The wedding-industrial complex. Brides get swept up in this world of obsession - it has to be your perfect day.

We're wild horses. We're going to eat your food, knock down your tent and poop on your shoes. We're protected by federal law, just like Richard Nixon.

My theory is that there is a finite amount of intelligence in a family, and you're supposed to gradually transfer it to your children over a period of many years. This is why your parents started to get so stupid just at the time in your life when you were getting really smart.

When I say 'serve you better,' I mean 'increase our profits.' We newspapers are very big on profits these days.

You might have mentioned this to me Molly,” said Leonard. “The fact that there are hostile natives on the island.” “I forgot,” said Molly. “You forgot?” said Leonard. “There’s been a lot happening,” said Molly.

Although a science fair can seem like a big "pain" it can help you understand important scientific principles, such as Newton's First Law of Inertia, which states: "A body at rest will remain at rest until 8:45 p.m. the night before the science fair project is due, at which point the body will come rushing to the body's parents, who are already in their pajamas, and shout, 'I JUST REMEMBERED THE SCIENCE FAIR IS TOMORROW AND WE GOTTA GO TO THE STORE RIGHT NOW!'"

Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.