Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.

[American tax laws] are constantly changing as our elected representatives seek new ways to ensure that whatever tax advice we receive is incorrect.

You should not confuse your career with your life.

The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you.

Cyrus Pembridge, the Never Land’s captain, was widely regarded as the most incompetent man to comman a ship since the formation of water. “Who in the name of common sense would put to sea on that ship with that man in charge?” wondered Mack. “Well,” Alf answered, “we are.” “True,” Mack said.

I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.

Are we ever going to have a federal tax system that regular people can understand?