England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

For a while I got into the South Pacific theater of World War II. I read "American Caesar" by William Manchester, the biography of General MacArthur. Because of that I ended up reading "Tales of the South Pacific" by James Michener and then because of that reading his "Hawaii." That is what happens.

I want to gag sometimes when I see who "we" are recommending that people vote for, and not just as a libertarian.

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

I'm happy to start on one topic and end on another one entirely, as long as it's funny.

The issue we are reluctant to talk about is even more sensitive than condoms. The issue - and I will try to be tasteful here - is that sometimes it seems like maybe the president of the United States is kind of dumb. If you get what I mean. What I mean is, I am not totally confident that the president would get what I mean, unless several aides explained it to him. And even then, he might forget.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.