One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal budget deficit, which we refer to as the "mounting" deficit, because every extra word helps when you have to produce a certain number of gravely concerned newsprint inches.

France: As a professional journalist, I like the idea of a society where it is considered an acceptable occupation to basically sit around and drink.

I always assumed that at some point I would have to quit making jokes, get a real job and do something meaningful and productive that would actually benefit society. Fortunately this never happened.

I don't want to dis anybody, but someone like Robert Parker. I first read a Spenser book maybe 20 years ago and then read every one that came out. I did that with Tony Hillerman too.

I can snap your spine like a toothpick.

Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.