The taxpayers cannot be relied upon to support performing arts such as opera. As a taxpayer, I am forced to admit that I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?

Dogs do not grasp the concept of house cleaning.

There are also a number of humans living up there (Canada), and in many ways they have a lifestyle quite similar to ours, including such traditional American activities as driving Japanese cars.

The best time to go to Disney World, if you want to avoid huge crowds, is 1962.

Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, 'You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.'