One of the major hobbies in South Florida is keeping animals that no sane person would want to keep. One of those is snakes. They usually get them when they're small, and when they get too big, they let them go. But there are also people with monkeys, lions, tigers. And they all get away, eventually.

France: As a professional journalist, I like the idea of a society where it is considered an acceptable occupation to basically sit around and drink.

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.

Your job is to give people a reason to keep reading.

Bill Clinton, who, to his credit, has established a clear and consistent foreign policy, which is as follows: Whenever the president of the United States gets anywhere near any foreign head of state, living or dead, he gives that leader a big old hug. This has proven to be an effective way to get foreign leaders to do what we want: Many heads of state are willing to sign any random document that President Clinton thrusts in front of them, without reading it, just so he will stop embracing them.

Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spiderwebs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.