With humor you have so many options with topics and length, I mean I can write humor essays in books now and they can be as long as I want them to be.

At the time, we were mad at Moammar Gadhafi, which resulted in us bombing all over Libya and killing a bunch of people, but not him. Then Ronald Reagan gets up and says we're not trying to kill him, we're just dropping bombs. You can kill all the Libyans you want, but legally you can't try to kill the leader.

It is a good idea to 'shop around' before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mercedes. Ask about the competence of his mechanic. Don't be shy! After all, you're paying for it.

So when I open the door on Halloween, I am confronted by three or four imaginary heroes, such as G.I. Joe, Conan the Barbarian and Oliver North, who would look very terrifying except that they are three feet tall and facing in random directions. They stand there silently for several seconds before an adult voice hisses from the darkness behind them: "Say 'Trick or treat!

AARP is a large and powerful organization, similar to the Mafia but more concerned about dietary fiber.

Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.

Editorials are written by people who have agreed to have several strong opinions a day and to write them down, provided they do not have to sign their names.