There's a test they can do to determine a baby's gender ahead of time; I think they insert a tiny photo of Leonardo DiCaprio into the uterus, and if the baby punches it, it's a boy.

I think I became funny because I grew up in the Bronx. I was small and weak and Jewish instead of large and fierce and Puerto Rican. You need something.

When you say you don't think we should have public schools, they can't believe you mean that. You must mean that they should be smaller. But you can't really mean no public schools.

Genes are little items that are found in every living thing except Sen. Alfonse D'Amato.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

This book is dedicated to Wilbur and Orville Wright, without whom air sickness would still be just a dream.

One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium.