Headbangers' are people who like heavy-metal music, which is performed by skinny men with huge hair who stomp around the stage, striking their instruments and shrieking angrily, apparently because somebody has stolen all their shirts.

Sign at a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished?

Never have a dog. Let's not beat around the bush here: dogs are morons.

The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe.

There's a test they can do to determine a baby's gender ahead of time; I think they insert a tiny photo of Leonardo DiCaprio into the uterus, and if the baby punches it, it's a boy.

Classical music gradually lost popularity because it is too complicated: you need twenty-five or thirty skilled musicians just to hum it properly. So people began to develop regular music.

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.