Greyhound Bus Lines motto: "We Stop For Some Damn Thing Every 200 Yards."

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

I think I became funny because I grew up in the Bronx. I was small and weak and Jewish instead of large and fierce and Puerto Rican. You need something.

normal person's weekly chore list: 1. clean kitchen. 2. clean bathroom. 3. clean entire rest of domicile. cleaning impaired person's weekly chore list: 1. don't get peanut butter on sheets.

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal in the world, with a speed of 120 mph, is a cow dropped out of a helicopter.

Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.