If everybody were a guy, the human race could easily get by on less than one twentieth the current number of shoes.

A secret society within a secret society.

The taxpayers cannot be relied upon to support performing arts such as opera. As a taxpayer, I am forced to admit that I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.

Do not spit gum in the drinking fountains.

France: As a professional journalist, I like the idea of a society where it is considered an acceptable occupation to basically sit around and drink.

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.

Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard.