He felt a momentary pang of regret that he had not spent more time with his beloved wife. But it passed when he remembered that the reason heโd gone to sea in the first place was that he had never really liked his beloved wife.
Dave BarryMy wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.
Dave BarryI've never been struck by lightning as far as I know, so the Higher Power is treating me as well as even those people who love him very much.
Dave BarrySpain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this the hard way.
Dave BarryIf God had wanted us to spend all our time fretting about the problems of home ownership, He would never have created beer. This is not to say that I am recommending that you totally ignore your responsibilities as a homeowner and just sit around all day with a can of beer in your hand. No indeed, I have long been a believer in purchasing bottled beer, and pouring it into a chilled glass.
Dave Barry