Then I will tape the sets and even though I`m not very successful sometimes I will try to cut out the fat and put the jokes closer together.

I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are.

I'm not a centrist, and there's nothing about me that's centrist. I never have been.

It's just an easy catchall to describe a style because there are a lot of alternative comics who are completely different from each other.

Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.

That's what social media is, that's what Twitter is, that's what Facebook posts are. It's just really anti-intellectual.

What President of the Airline is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids... But as I was reading this, there were two empty seats next to me. Why can't sick kids sit there? If they're so concerned with sick kids, shouldn't they have like a pen of sick kids next to the gate?