[If Donald Trump does get elected, I will be] probably Secretary Of Reeducation. Or I don't know. I'll probably end up working in the cafeteria.

I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another.

I'm pretty happy. I obviously have complaints about things, but for the most part, I'm on the above-average side of happy people.

I'd say 95 percent of my audience was white. They were mostly kind of older hipster folks like myself.

I don't want to do 20 minutes on Donald Trump. I want to do 10 minutes and move on. I wouldn't even do that with a live show, because I don't want it to feel like "An Evening Of Political Comedy."

I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.

I recently attended a pro-drug rally... in my basement.